This post may contain spoilers for Haters Back Off.
Maybe I'm too sensitive, maybe I was looking to far into it, but after watching the new Netflix series "Haters Back Off" last night I was really irritated. Don't get me wrong- I love Miranda and quite often watch Colleen's videos. I was incredibly excited to spend my Friday night watching her new series and exploring the world of Miranda Sings. But I couldn't shake the irritation I felt from Episode One throughout the entire series of misconstruing invisible illnesses- especially Fibromyalgia.
One joke I can handle, I can play it off to ignorance, but the "fake illness" theme runs throughout the entire series as the mother uses this illness (she called it her "undiagnosed Fibromyalgia") for sympathy as well as pity. Bethany uses a wrist brace as a visible way of showing people she is "sick". She used Fibro as an excuse at her job, asking customers to lift their heavy objects and scan/check out for themselves because her Fibromyalgia meant she couldn't do it/she couldn't be bothered doing it herself.
There is also a relationship between Bethany and a man, who clearly has some sort of sick desire for a disabled partner. When Bethany begins to act as if she is well he loses interest in her. There is a scene in which he is seen sitting on the lap of a women in a wheelchair- his new love interest.
During the final episodes Miranda's mum is "actually" diagnosed with Polycystic Kidney Disease (PKD). Now that she actually has a diagnosed illness the wrist brace comes off, she stops looking for pity and her behavior changes. You see Bethany taking medication when her alarm goes off, you see her trying to tell Emily (her other daughter) that she is sick (and Emily not believing her due to her past hypochondriac ways), and you see a blurry tv screen when her medication is due. Fibro patients deal with all of this too. They struggle telling people what is wrong with them- especially because of the stigma surrounding it and they take medication throughout the day (I have alarms for mine to remind me).
During the last episode Bethany tells Miranda what is wrong. She talks about how scared she is and how she feels she's drowning with the weight of what is happening to her. There was no mention of this when she was pretending to have Fibro, it was like a fun novelty for her to tell people she was "sick". When I was first diagnosed with Fibro I too felt like I was drowning. I had no idea what was wrong with me, why all of a sudden I was dealing with such severe pain throughout my body and why I was so exhausted from simple activities. It was incredibly scary having my body protest to the way I was living and within 2 years of my diagnosis I was unable to do the things I used to love, including working and studying.
I get that Miranda's mother isn't sick when she claims she has Fibro, that she is pretending to be sick for pity. I understand she doesn't really have Fibro and it's just part of her being a hypochondriac. However the stigma that invisible illnesses aren't real is such a huge issue people such as myself face. This show has inadvertently solidified what a lot of ignorant people feel to be true, that we are just faking it. I also wonder- are there people out there pretending to have Fibromyalgia like Bethany, thinking this illness isn't real but wanting attention from having it? Is that why Haters Back Off used Fibro?
It also brings up the point that people don't realize how debilitating life with Fibromyalgia can be. It's not just a sore arm that a wrist brace can make feel better. It's severe pain throughout the entire body, pain that doesn't go away, that exhausts your body, your mind and your spirit. It's extreme fatigue that a cup of coffee or a good night's sleep doesn't cure. It's fatigue so deep in your bones the thought of a simple task like washing up feels like climbing a mountain. It's severe brain fog that makes writing this blog post a challenge, one that before being sick I could've done within minutes, now taking hours.
Whilst I don't believe the show meant to intentionally made fun of Fibromyalgia, it has shown the ignorance of society and how far we have to go to have people change what they believe about invisible illnesses. The show has once again reminded me that to some people, Fibromyalgia isn't recognized as a real illness. The tweets commenting on how funny the Fibro jokes in the show were confirmed that.
I have worked SO hard, so freaking hard to make invisible illnesses visible. I've worked SO hard to show society that just because you cannot see how sick we are, doesn't mean that we are faking it or looking for pity. I have lost of many friends who didn't believe me and didn't support me.
I wasn't the only person who was disappointed in the jokes. I've had a few people on Twitter contact me via the tweets I wrote about it sharing how it made them feel. They too were irritated with the way Fibromyalgia was portrayed and how it confirmed the stigma.
Have you watched Haters Back Off? How did the Fibromyalgia jokes make you feel? I'd love to start a dialogue in the comments below.
Gentle hugs,
Bridget.
