#HAWMC- Day Three

Hello lovelies,

Here's Day Three!

Find a quote that inspires you and free write about it.

I feel like Fear is chronic illness. It's the first thing I thought of when I read this quote.

When we first become sick we are afraid, navigating through this new life with no idea what's happening or what is going to happen. I remember forgetting who I was because parts of myself weren't recognizable anymore. I was sitting in a boat and taking on water, holes all over and panicking. My goal was to simply manage to still float, scooping the water out as much as I could. Life at the start is an unknown. 

But then...

Then you get into the groove of being sick. Going back to the analogy, you learn how to patch up the holes in the boat. You're no longer merely surviving, but able to float, without that desperation of worrying about sinking. Sometimes you'll still worry, and sometimes you'll still take on a little water when you flare/ go through rough patches. But you're in this chronic illness phase of "maintenance" that makes life a lot easier. You learn how to live. 

Or you don't.

That's where I believe this quote comes into play. 

It's the fork in the road, or for this post's purposes, the fork in the river (are we on a river, or the sea? I guess that's for you to decide). You've overcome the early stages of being sick- been diagnosed, learnt about your triggers, learnt about pain management and the routine that is taking medications. 

This is where you need to decide, as the quote says- to run or rise. Or for those people still on my boat, to sink or sail.  It's not a conscious thought at all, it's an emotional reaction to the situation. For me, I decided to "Rise". I decided that I wanted to not only live a chronically ill life but to use it to my advantage and educate people on what life is like living with the notion of not getting better. I'm not saying that every day I wake up happy and positive and ready to shine. Far from it. But I don't allow myself to sink into that black hole that can so often come from being unwell. I refuse to focus on the negatives- the pain, the isolation and the fears. I'm not going to use my illnesses as excuse nor "Run" the other way and not tackle life head on. 

Life changes being sick. My 2011 Bucket List is so unattainable now that I am sick. The goals and dreams I had, had to change as I changed. But I focus on the now and not the past. I don't allow myself to get caught up thinking about how my boat went off path, or how its looking a little worse for wear then the other boats my age. 

I refuse to sink. I refuse to run. I refuse to do anything other then be me and be the best version of me that I can given my journey.

Gentle hugs,

Bridget