Hello Sami,
Today would've been your 31st birthday.
Would.
I hate that. I hate that I'm not sending you a birthday message, or sending you presents like the colouring book I sent you all about your favourite word. I still refuse to use that word Sami, although if it gave me more time with you I'd say it all day every day.
Sami you were so many things to so many people. I learnt that after you died. I connected with your family and friends and we talked about our relationships with you and antics you'd get up too.
For me, you were like a big sister. You were only two years older then me but I always went to you with whatever current drama I had or just to vent to. You always told me the truth (even when I didn't like it!) and knew me better then myself at times.
When we began our friendship again after a few years apart, you came into my life at the time I needed someone the most. I had just discovered I was chronically ill and life was very confusing. My friends didn't know how to react to me being sick and couldn't relate with my battle, so I had a hard time talking to anyone about it. But you were sick too. The thing we had in common years beforehand had screwed us over and we both were dealing with the backlash from that.
You taught me one of the most valuable things about being sick. You taught me pain management. It may sound trivial but I had no idea how to control my pain and you helped me do that. I remember in the beginning asking you what to take for the type of pain I was having. In the years since becoming sick, I've become a pro at pain management and what to take, and in fact I've been able to help others who were starting their chronic illness journey. Because of you.
You taught me to stand up for myself. To not allow people to walk all over me.
You were my biggest cheerleader, helping me through so many different situations and being in my corner no matter what.
I miss you everyday. I miss our "what are you going to have for dinner" routine, chatting about make up, fashion and Big Brother. I miss your texts, we text all day every day and shared some of the most mundane things. But having someone to always message my random thoughts to was the best. It's only been recently I've been able too, but going back through our messages brings such a smile to my face.
Whilst today is hard, and the second anniversary of your death next month will be even harder, I want to smile today and remember you.
To have had a friendship like I had with you Sami, it's a once in a lifetime thing.
I will be able never replace you, or what you were to me.
I feel lost without you.
I have lost a little piece of my heart and soul forever. But I am so glad I met you.
I'm so glad for your friendship and what you taught me.
I hope wherever you are right now you are at peace and feeling the love your family and friends have for you.
Happy Birthday Sami Angel xo
Love Bridget
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